How to Enjoy Experiences Alone - A Lesson in Gratitude

After attending Fan Expo Portland I thought of a tweet I had seen that read “PLEASE, get comfortable with going to events, movies, concerts, coffee shops, museums by yourself so you don't miss out on life waiting on people”, no doubt been copy and pasted dozens of times to try and get a sliver of revenue from blue checks, but it made me think more about how I felt I always needed to drag people to events with me, usually a family member, just for the sake of company. Company isn’t bad, but it might not always be there, so I decided to write about how I learned to enjoy going to different things alone.

When I was in school, I hid most of my nerdy habits and interests, and with COVID forcing everyone online and battling with depression, I isolated myself pretty hard for a few years. So when things finally went back to normal, I had to learn how to be a person again, slowly taking classes and getting back out and interacting with people face to face. Taking public speaking in college definitely helped with this, I got more comfortable in front of people and being in focus, even as awkward as it was at first, and still was at times, it taught good skills about portraying yourself with confidence, even when you were uncomfortable, and feeling good about it afterwards.

I grew apart from a lot of my friends in this time, high school was just ending, we went our different ways in life and career, and I, in a sense, didn't feel like I grew up, and kept playing games and distracting myself from responsibilities, and more on focus, going to conventions I had been going to, bringing my mom to share the experience (without shame, she's the best), but for the most part the past few years, I've been attending these alone and wandering around by myself.

So, How Do I Make New Friends?

I don't know, I've just run into a few people and been introduced to more people off of them. Besides that, I can't really say how to get that special and more frequent connection between you and the other person. I wouldn’t say most of the people I’ve met at different events or just bumped into once or twice are friends, but I know them in passing, and I think there’s something special about that in a way different from a friendship.

When I was in Austin walking back to my hotel, I believe on the second day of the Blast Major, I was walking alongside some people going in a similar direction, when one of them, around my age, mentioned my media badge, asking how I had gotten it. I talked briefly about how I had applied since I missed buying actual badges, saying I was with my college’s paper out in Oregon, and was surprised I had gotten it. He had asked about if journalism was my major, and I had told him I didn’t really know at the time what exactly I was going for, I wouldn’t mind journalism, I was originally thinking about cybersecurity (before the college removed the program), and then I kinda wandered around before picking up business, and I enjoyed that. Before we parted our own directions and went back to our respective hotels, he said something along the lines of “Well, I wish the best for you with whatever you decide to do.”

And there’s something human about that in a way that I don’t think I can describe. It was a brief connection, we never knew each other's names, and by the end of it, we didn’t know if we would see each other again, possibly ever, but it’s something I still think about every now and then. We were both there for Counter-Strike, but it was neat to talk about something more.

I think the way to make friends is to get yourself into more small conversations like these, talk to people around you, even if it’s just making small talk between activities, ask people where they’re from, share something about yourself, and maybe one of these chats will turn into something bigger or lead you to another opportunity you might not’ve had before.

Find Reason To Go Out

I like going to conventions because of the interest in what's going on, obviously, but attending events to see something new you might not have seen before is also important to growth. I’ve been to a bunch of different things, comedy shows, a reptile expo, card game tournaments, movies, concerts, big and small, painting classes, gardens, art and cultural festivals, the list is near endless, and there’s always something going on or coming soon.

Consider volunteering to help at one of these, go see something you wouldn't normally, or find something you really wanna see, go to a meet up for something that you like, and talk to people with similar interests. Find something you like and it’ll help you find yourself, give yourself priority, and when you’re comfortable, you’ll find others.

Give Yourself Presence

Interacting with people at events from my experiences has always been pleasant. I've met a lot of kind people, seen a lot of cool cosplays and costumes, and have taken a lot of photos to show for it and keep them in my memory. Putting yourself outside of your comfort bubble for a slight moment to meet someone new is worth it.

I went to a Pokémon pre-release for Perfect Order, absolutely bombed out of it 0-4 and landed 24th place out of 24 people (Barbarnacle pre-built deck is awful), but I met a lot of pleasant people there. Mothers with their sons, regular fans of the game who enjoyed teaching new people, and enthusiastic coaches. It was awesome, it felt good to be part of a community and participate.

Let Yourself Experience

This one is really simple, don't be afraid of being "weird" or "cringe", get into activities and feel them! Smile at people! Say hello! Take pictures! Go out and have a good time, and don’t be afraid of being judged, because the people who won’t judge you are the ones you want to keep.

Something My Grandfather Told Me

It was years ago when I was 14 or 15, we just sat together in the car, parked under a tree by a pond, and talked. He spoke about how I should take the opportunities I get, how there’s so much more out there today than when he was my age, and how he wants me to do big things and put myself out there for them. 

At the time this talk didn’t mean as much to me, and I was confused why after running errands we were pulled over in part of nowhere to talk about this, but years later it finally clicked, and the realization of what he said meant to me, and I’m glad we shared that moment, because now that I’m older it means a lot more.

I’ve thought a lot about how to conclude this, and I’m still not sure how to, but at the very least, I hope that this may help somebody in the way it helped me. Putting yourself out there isn’t easy, but you have to take risks and embarrass yourself sometimes to get to the best place for yourself and grow.